It is almost Halloween and I am having a reoccurring thought – if I could be anything and wear any kind of costume for a day (and it would be socially acceptable)- what would I be? It is less about dressing up and more about discovering who I could be by choice if there were no limits. If costumes were treated not as fun but as the real ourselves for the day, who would I pick? Lately I have been feeling like a witch so this feels like a natural fit.

However, the question is, why do we like the idea of dressing up and being someone else? What is it they can do that I cannot? And when I think of it, the answer is if I disguise myself as someone else, I tend to believe that person is free from duties, expectations and fears and they are just being themselves. What is it like to be yourself, free from the layers of personality we “wear” as a response to our past experiences, traumas and pain? What would I be like if my life was free from this? Did these negative experiences help me grow or did they turn me into someone I was not?

This Halloween, instead of dressing up I am going to do this – face my fears. Not directly but at least acknowledging what they are when reflecting. For long I have been reacting to things that did not even happen. Fears are like a tree, the root is an actual fear, with tree itself and the branches as our emotions and behaviours driven by that fear and leafs are our daily responses. I want to dig deep and look at the roots.

For example, I have been in good place in my career and about to be a manager when new leadership came in and created toxic environment where everything I did was questioned and turned against me. This not just created anxiety for me but made me question the quality of my work and my decisions. So 2 years later, I am getting a second chance to get back the opportunities I lost. And my body remembered what happened last time and started reacting – nauseous during the day, panic attacks during the night. But the root cause is this learned program not to speak up or be visible because of the trauma that happened. See what I am doing here? Spend time reflecting and see where it takes you. And after this, if you want to dress up for Halloween, do it. Embrace your inner self 🙂