There are two kinds of people: people who treat themselves all the time (e.g., influencers, trophy wives, wealthy people, etc.) and those that never treat themselves or do it only on holidays or special occasions. It is not about spending money or encouraging shopping, it is about doing something to celebrate life or enjoy oneself without having been told to do so.

I have noticed that some people who are raised to put others first and work hard are not only the last ones to treat themselves but even the whole concept of treating themselves is foreign to them.

What does it mean to treat yourself? To me , it means finding time or investing resources to do something that makes me happy. It can be as simple as getting a cake just because I am having a bad day, taking luxurious bath or going for a massage.

However it can be anything that feels special to you. I think the yonger generation (25 or younger) actually embraces this concept and normalized it to the point of daily rituals. And I think this is how it should be.

Now, upon hearing this some people would talk about self discipline, diet and so forth. I do not believe in diet and feeling bad about any food I eat, it is actually against my principles. I actually do not believe in feeling guilty about food and to me it is better to eat that muffin for breakfast then count calories and completely damage my mental health. No, thanks. There are people who would love to lecture me about limiting wants and only doing things that are “needed”. They can go and continue living their life how they want but I am pretty sure I am having a better life then they are. It does not mean I eat cake all the time or embrace chaos. It is about having a balance between self care and discipline.

I look at my friends, family, coworkers who are in their 40s, 50s or 60s and it is very different for them. Sure, some were raised in different times under different circumstances, faced a lot of hardships. However, I think treating yourself is a form of self care, and one can do those activities without waiting for a permission. I know mothers who are very busy and tired, secretely hoping for someone (husband? Friend? Fairy god mother?) to appear and allow them to do or buy things they do not allow themselves to have. I think one’s self worth and confidence is directly tied to how much they treat themselves. If you always say no to yourself, you actually normalize for others to say no to you also.

When I was growing up, my parents did not spoil me at all. Let’s say if I wanted for example, new boots, I would have to first make a business case why I needed them or nag them to get them, but even if they agreed in principle with the purchase, my mom would either make me get the pair she selected or nothing at all. It was true regardless whether we had no money or were wealthy. So the moment I could find a job and have my own money (which was at 15) I did that so that I could treat myself because no one else would. Then later when I was in my 20s, the products I would select, whether it was skincare product, makeup, clothing or even ordering wine at a restaurant – I would always go for the cheapest option. When I met my husband, he would always try to get me the most expensive or best option and over time it taught me to stop settling. It improved my self confidence because I felt I was worth the best things.

For example, I used to have skin problems but I would always buy the cheapest skin care products. One day I decided to take control and actually talked to beauty consultant who recommended a more expensive option (of course). But instead of having 3 products that did not work, I had one that did work. More importantly, every morning when I applied it on my face I felt really good about myself. I started feeling better about myself and it translated to me speaking out at work and being more open about what I want in my relationships.

But not everyone is lucky to have people like my husband in their lives. It does not mean they cant do it themselves – you can start any time.

For confidence boost, start saying yes to yourself. Do things for yourself by yourself and see how others start treating you differently too. Do not expect others to give you luxury gifts if you settle for the cheapest clothing or do not buy anything at all. Do not expect others to give you a break if you are not giving yourself a break first. Establish yourself, set standards on how you want to be treated and you will notice how people surrounding you will either adjust and level up their behaviour or will try to bring you down to what they are used to.

Naturally, most people are selfish. So if you do not put yourself first, chances are, no one else will. Yes we all have family and friends and significant others but they are people too – they also get tired, frustrated, sad etc. even if they are empathetic. Also, life changes all the time and people come and go. If you treat yourself you will make yourself more immune to changes and stress. Do not expect others to make you happy – be responsible for your own happiness. So treat yourself and enjoy life 🙂