To clarify: I am not the mom of all Millenials, I am a Millenial and a Mom. As the Mothers Day approaching (this Sunday for Canada and US), I realized I have a lot of feelings about it. As the father of George Constanza said in the Scenfield, “I have a lot of problems with you people and now you are going to hear about it!”. On a serious note, these are just my reflections, “turning off the Karen mode”.

First of all, I want to have make all people that have stained relationship with their own mothers feel seen – I see you.  As someone who has a complex relationship with my own mother, for a while I felt extremely pressured and anxious with all the ads and posts from gifts suggestions to special meals coming from the social media.

First of all, having good relationship with your mother and having a good mother (mother being a good person) is like winning a lottery. It is not automatically given to everyone at the time of birth. Many people forget that because:

a) they are blessed with a good mother and a relationship and they cannot imagine that it may not be the case for other people

b) they know that their relationship with their mother or their mother or both are not ideal but they have no guts to address it and therefore pretend there is no other way but to accept things as they are and take the frustration they have with themselves on other people

To be honest, I have no sympathy for either of the two groups because they have no sympathy for me – someone who may not have best (if any) relationship with their own mom. It is impossible to understand unless you went exactly through the same thing. And then every mothers day feels like you are an orphan looking from the street at the house where a nice big family is celebrating Christmas. It is soul breaking.

So for those of you who have a toxic relationship or no relationship with their mothers, I feel you, I see you and I send you hugs. Actually, Cosmo shared statistics – 27 percent of people in the US have admitted to have bad relationship with their parents. I suspect this number is actually bigger in reality but I agree that being a family member does not excuse anyones shitty behaviour.

Now, on being a Millenial and a Mom. It is freakin hard. I feel sandwiched between people from other generations (that had huge network and family support and help with kids) that judge everything I do and other millenial moms that find a way to make everything I do feel wrong. Not that all of them do, of course. But there are camps for everything – from the “right” way of delivering a baby, to feeding, to sleep training, potty training and so on. I think we, Millenial moms need to support each other because we are just trying to survive and do our best. It is also a very tiring and yet isolating experience. It is also rewardinf of course I adore my baby. However, I bet other generations prior to smart phones and internet existence had connected more/were more social than now.

So for this Mothers day, I just want to say –

• if you are a mother – stay strong and ask for the support and break you need. You are doing your best. And if nobody aknowledged you or this day, do not wait for them but do it yourself – make those pancakes, dress up, get yourself flowers and order the cake. Set the standards you want to have by yourself and the family will follow. You deserve it!
• If you are not a mother yet but you are trying to become one – hold on to your hope and keep visualizing positive outcome, it will come when the time is right
• If you are not a mother but got a mother that you have a toxic or no relationship with – do what you feel is right and ignore the social pressure. The society will judge you either way so just do what brings you peace
• If you know a mother – reach out with kind words to her. She will appreciate it
• And if you have an amazing mother that you have a great relationship with – good for you, appreciate it and go celebrate your bond!